Oh Snap
by ThatOneChickWhoWritesAlot
Summary: What happens when Ed and the gang start showing up in our world and find out about all the fanfictions and other horrid things we've done to them? Go on a killing rampage of couse! That is if they can survive the people that found them...
1. Chapter 1

**Hello everyone! Welcome to the dark twisted realm that is my mind. Please no flames..Just constructive criticism. Thank you and enjoy... **

While sitting at her computer reading fanfiction and down loading AMVs, your friend the author hears a noise. One that resembles something like her brother or his friends falling off the top of the house...again.

" Idiots..." She mutters while opening the door and stopping outside. But as she opens her mouth to start yelling to high heaven, something unusual cough her eye. A boy with long blonde hair that was pulled back into a pony tail was face down in her back yard. Inching closer, she noticed more about him. Long red coat, black pants and boots...this kid seemed familiar.

"Umm, you ok?" This seemed like and idiotic question since he was obliviously not moving, or breathing for that matter.

"Muhhh..." Finally the figure spoke, well a painful moan but its better then nothing right?

Slowly she walked over to him and rolled him over. Her face twitched when she saw who it was, this was every fans crazy dream that would totally never happen unless by grace of God or in a fanfiction.

"HOLY MUFFINS! YOUR EDWARD ELRIC!" The boy now know as Edward opened his eyes to see the bubbly girl lurking over him.

" WHO THE HELL ARE YOU!" The alchemist bellowed out while jumping to his feet, then nearly toppled over because for some reason he managed to forget that horrid fall he just went though.

But the author was too busy with the thought of how much money she could make from random fan girls just to breath the same air as Ed. Even better..the money she could make by letting fan girls take him to their proms.

"Hey, girl! I'm talking to you!" Ed pulled on her arm and the dollar signs quickly faded from her eyes. " I asked who the hell are you?" He kindly restated.

"Oh sorry," She pulled herself back together and looked the bishi in the eyes, which was oddly hard because she was shorter then him. "I'm Tia. Nice to meet you Ed!"

Ed blinked a few times and looked utterly confused. "And you know my name how? For that matter...Where am I?"

Tia smiled an evil _I-just-ate-the-last-cookie-so-ha_ smile, this was going to be fun.

After dragging Edward into the house, into her room and forcing him to read every Full Metal Alchemist manga she owned along with watching the anime, she was finally able to explain.

" You see. In this world, your a made up person. Someone thought you, your family, and that hell hole you call a life up in their little head." She said with a smile and evil thoughts of selling a lock of Ed's hair on Ebay shone in her hazel eyes.

" But..you've got to be kidding me..." Ed's eyes had grown to massive proportions and he slightly resembled Torhu from Fruits Basket. But more like a goldfish Torhu, because he was starting to hyperventilate from the shock and his eyes were glazing over much like the druggies that sit outside my school.

"Oh no my newly found cash source, I speak the truth." Tia flipped to the back of the FMA manga in her hands and pointed to a picture of the loving author.

"See that cow?" She grinned, Ed nodded. "She made you up!" At this point Ed was now passed out because the fact the very creature that produced milk created him made him want to commit suicide.

"Black Hyet..We're not in Central anymore.." Tia laughed and grabbed a pair of scissors that sat on her dresser. She grabbed part of Ed's bangs and was just about to snip off a small bit very lovingly, and by lovingly I mean hack a good chuck off, when the phone rang.

The 15 year old began to cuss worse then a sailor, and no I don't mean Sailor Scouts. Nor do I mean Ed in a sailor uniform...Oh damn, there come the yaoi fanfictions..

Her friends name began blinking on the caller ID as the loud ringing bust though out the house. Tia ran down the hall to the portable phone so she may continue with her handy work while yelling for being disturbed, the scissors still in hand. No I don't condone running with scissors, but if you must run with them then hold the sharp part in your hand so you don't gouge out your eyes. My daddy told me that :D

"What in the name of all things good and holy do you what!" Tia spat out while slamming the scissor welding hand on the table.

" You will never guess what just happened.." The voice on the other end sounded like Christmas just came early.

" Ummm...life time supply of Pocky and all the Gravitation DVDs just happen to show up at your door?" Tia leaned on the kitchen table and pulled on a dirty blonde curl, while attempting to use ESP to make it become straight.

"Even better!" This had to be massively important.

"WHAT!" By this time Tia was twitching from excitement.

" Roy Mustang just crash landed on my back porch! Can you believe it!" Phylicia squeaked.

"Oh.." Tia grinned as she slowly moved back to her room with the scissors back in hand. "I can believe it.."

**Tia: So kiddies! What do you think? R&R and you just might get a cookie made just for you by Edward. Hey, he can't just live here for free you know...**

**Ed: You make me want to die..**

**Tia: Oh your so modist! I know you love me! pulls out shot gun**

**Ed: Help me...**


	2. Chapter 2

**Tia: You actually like this? OMG I love all of you! Cookies made by Ed for all! **

**Ed: They only came back for meh cookies. **

**Tia: Like hell they did! Half of them would have raped you while you lie unconscious ..I'm just nice.. Oh and I don't own FMA or anyone in it...Ed just lives here for the time being. So Ed, I have to continue writing but you need to clean the house! Now go! And don't forget the butler uniform...**

After ranting with Phylicia for about an hour on what happened with both of them, Tia made her way back to the totally out of it Edward. At some point he had fallen off the bed and onto the floor with drool running out of his mouth.

"Well this wont do. I can't have an unconscious boy in my room! Daddy might disembowel him, and we can't have that!" Slowly, she slid her arms under Ed's and started to pull the knocked out bishi down the hall into the guest room.

After nearly busting Ed's head open on every doorway and dog toy along the way, she dropped him on the floor.

"Damn! Your heavy for a sh-" She quickly slammed her hand over her mouth as Ed twitched in his sleep. Calling him a shrimp was not a good idea. "I mean...Your heavy for such a shiny haired young man?" His expression went calm again and she slowly backed out of the room. Wow he's easily amused.

"Now...how do I explain a random boy from my favorite anime that just so happen to fall from the sky?"  
She stood there thinking for a while then while thrusting her arm in the air, she blurted her fibity-fab idea out.

"FORGEN EXCHANGE PROGRAM!" Obliviously pleased with herself, she returned to the kitchen for a well needed pop tart.

Tia knew this was going to take a while. She couldn't just have Ed sitting around all day cooking and cleaning if she was going to play him off as an exchange student. So, with pop tart in hand..she began to forge government files. Mmm..don't you just love the taste of pop tarts and scandal in the afternoon?

Around 3 that afternoon, Ed thought it would be a good time to wake up. That was one hell of a dream. The special little child thought, oh poor Edo..Poor, poor Edo..

Slowly he opened his eyes...then let out a yell that would make Michael Jackson jealous.

"YOU!" He calmly bellowed out while pointing at a half awake Tia. "I THOUGHT THIS WAS A DREAM! YOU MAKE IT BETTER! YOU MAKE IT BETTER NOW!" Edward was now foaming at the mouth and twitching, aw Edo has rabies!

" Well...since you asked like SUCH a gentleman...no." Tia pushed her rolly chair over towards Ed who was sitting on the ground attempting to get Tia to roll over his head.

" You see hun, I can't. I don't even have the slightest idea how you got here." Edward started to repetitively beat himself in the head with the chair wheels.

"But," He somehow managed to hear her and stop concidering all the brain cells he lost. "Your not alone!"

"I'M NOT!" Instant chibi face.

"No dear Ed, your not! Your lover Roy is here too!" And for some reason Ed passed out again.

* * *

A few miles away, outside a house near the beach, Roy Mustang lay on the ground under an newly broken porch. Phylicia knew she was screwed, but who cared! ROY MUSTANG was under her porch, HER porch! NOT YOURS! HAHAHA!

Fearing he might be dead and having no idea what to do with the body, she jumped down into the hole and started poking him a shard of her once whole porch.

"There go my beach plans...Oh well..This is better anyway.." She laughed a good laugh, you know. Like when the crazy murder is about to eat the flesh of a baby and drink the blood of a virgin. But we all know Roy is neither of them. So he's good.

He was still breathing and looked ok...she guessed. For someone who just crash landed from who knows how many feet he was in pretty good shape. Unless there was internal bleeding, then that my friends would suck.

"Now, I'm a good person..Mind you, I really am. But there is no way I'm letting an opportunity like this go by without taking advantage of it." Phyish laughed evilly again, she's getting pretty good at this. Then attempted to pull Roy out of the hole.

The laws of gravity did not see her way though. Besides the fact she's just as strong as Armstrong without steroids and Roy weighed quite a bit more then she did, she fell, along with the still out of it Roy. Right back into the hole and landing on the Coronal.

"This wont get me anywhere..How the hell am I getting him out without having to wake him up!" Then, as though God decided he had enough fun mocking the weak mortals for one day, the sky seemed to open up and shine down on the empty space between the porch and the ground.

"Huh...forgot that was there." Phyish shrugged and the persisted to drag Mustang out onto her lawn. "Up the stairs we go!" She sang and laughed every time his boots slammed on the stairs, but not when she almost fell again. There was enough of falling down and harming one's self for today.

After pulling open the sliding glass door and dropping Roy on the sofa, Phyish put her plan into action. She ran up the stairs and into her computer room where her digital camera sat, just begging to be used.

"Hmmm, what else should I get..OOoo! Roy is looking a bit lack luster..MAKE OVER!" But unknown to her, as she ran into the bathroom to her large stash of make up, everyone's fave pyromaniac was just waking from his beauty sleep.

"What...the hell." He breathed. His head was splitting just like when Mase called him to "talk". And by talk we mean Mase would rant on and on till Roy concidered burning himself to death.

"Aww...You woke up.." Roy looked up to see Phylicia standing at the top of the stairs with one of her homecoming dresses, a bag of make up and a camera in hand.

Roy looked like someone just burned his little black book, or gave it to Havoc. Either would have the same out come just as this situation, he wanted to die.

"Who are you and how much did I drink last night?" He slowly stood up, unlike the foul mouth chibi, and was able to maintain his balance.

"Well...I can't tell you how much you drank, but I sure can tell you who I am. I'm Phylicia, this is my house, and I found you in my back yard."

Roy nodded. He may not know what happened, but at least he had some information.

"Umm Phylicia was it?" She nodded. "What were you planning to do with that?" He pointed to the things in her hands.

"Oh this old crap?" She tossed it back into her room. "I was umm...planning on going out for lunch with some friends..yes...friends." Phylicia smiled and nodded her head, Roy slowly was backing up toward the sliding door.

"Wait! Don't worry, I'm not crazy!...Not totally anyway.." The last part she said under her breath. "Its just, your something of a celebrity here." She made her way down the steps and notice his expression change from "OMFG I'm screwed" to, "Hells yeah!" This instantly reminded her of the squirrels from the PSP ads and Phylicia started to laugh. Good way to prove your not crazy.

"What do you mean, celebrity?" Roy seemed to be totally blinded to the fact Phyish bust out laughing for no apparent reason.

"Well...I'll show you!" She may not have any of the anime or manga but she sure as hell had a few short AMVs, a good majority hinting that Roy and Edward would look ever so cute together, Roy had a good idea about the world he was forced into.

"What are you doing?" Phylicia looked up from her computer as Roy was slowly making his way over to the window and opened it. Mind you they were on the second story. But that didn't matter. Roy fell from the heavens and onto a wood porch and lived. But it seems he too forgot this.

"I think I need to lie down...on that spiky fence down there.." He leaned out the window slightly. "Umm Roy, that's across the street. So even if you do jump from here, you would just fall on my plants." And with this the Flame Alchemist went into the fetal position and sucked his thumb. " WHY GOD WHY! WHY WONT YOU LET ME DIE!"

Phylicia knew exactly what to say in this situation. "Because," She smiled warmly. "He hates you. He hates you so much."

**Tia: Wow, I'm mean!**

**Ed: NO REALLY?**

**Tia: WHO THE HELL TOLD YOU TO STOP DUSTING!**

**Ed: Just wait till you go to sleep..**

**Tia: Well while I teach Ed the meaning of "Don't piss off the nice author that's letting you stay here and not sell you off to a whore house", you should review and maybe Roy will uhhh...Roy will...**

**Ed: DIE! (insert hopeful chibi face)**

**Tia: No...just no...Roy will bring you candy! Now..where did I leave those scissors...**


	3. Chapter 3

**Tia: Welcome back everyone! **

**Ed: Yeah yeah.. **

**Roy: Your just pissed because everyone's gonna think your a pansy for passing out all the time **

**Ed: I'M NOT A PANSY! **

**Roy: No..but your short. Besides, everyone likes me better! (thousand watt smile) **

**Ed: You mother fu- **

**Tia: EDWARD! SHUT YOUR FACE! Anyway...I don't own Full Metal blah blah blah. **

Once again, Tia was forced to move the passed out Edward to a better location. This kid can handle seeing a puss spewing, monster for a mother he brought back, but make one little joke about him being gay with Roy and its all over.

"Stupid chibi pansy.."As soon as the word "chibi" left Tia's mouth, Ed was back on his feet cussing till his face turned a lovely shade of red that not only matched his jacket but brought out his eyes.

"WHO YOU CALLIN SO SMALL HE COULD RIDE ON THE BACK OF A GRASSHOPPER!" After a long stream of horrid words that left his mouth, Ed deiced that it would be a good time to actually let the author type things that wont get her kicked off the site.

"You ya pansy. I make one small, not meaningful joke and you act like I'm about to take your non-exsistant woman from you." Tia crossed her arms and looked the spazzy Elric in the eyes.

"Buuuuuuuuuuut...there are some people who actually think you and Roy would look ever so fab together!" She chirped and stuck out her toung as Ed's face did the pretty red shade again.

"You have got to be kidding me. Roy is...Roy is...OLD." Somewhere off in the distance I think I just heard some Roy fangirls call out for blood.

"He's not old! The one manga that mentioned his age was like ...29 or something along those lines! Plus, that's not the extent of what these authors have put you though." Not counting me threatening him into making me baked goods.

"It's not...Your joking right! Please tell me that your joking!" Edward had grabbed on to Tia's shoulders and was shaking her back and forth. Good thing I'm to old to get shaken baby syndrome or I'd sue his ass.

"Um no. I'm not. Here, have a look for yourself..." After Ed started pulling a gold fish Torhu again, Tia was able to open AOL and get back to a fanfiction site she had been on. She then clicked on the search bar and typed in "Elricest".

"What's that mean?" Ed was lurking over Tia as she typed, leaning his head on the top of her's. "...Get the hell off. Your giving me a migraine as it is. Anyway, Elricest is your last name with the world incest put together. Think of your only living relative...then I'll let you do the rest of the math."

Once again Edward started cussing so horridly and for so long that even if I was actually gonna type what he said, I would graduate from high school, college and start a family in California with a degree in English, looking for a teaching job by the time he would have stopped.

"THAT'S SO...HE'S MY BABY BROTHER...WHAT THE HELL?" He almost passed out again, but he had vengeance on his mind so being a pansy would have to wait.

"Yeah, its pretty nasty. He's your little brother and all. I mean, I have nothing against homosexuality or anything. Some of my good friends are bi or homosexual, so the you and some other guy ones aren't all that creepy to me. But then when you mix in the fact that he's your little brother...That's crossing some lines. And now that you've stated that you, are in fact, **_not_** gay, then that means that you would most likely go for a girl you actually know. Like maybe Winry or something, but I always got more of a bro-sis vibe..Then again maybe not. You never really seem like you care about that kind of relationship anyway, like work comes fi-what are you doing?"

During Tia's rant, Edo had started writing down the names of all the people that had paired him with Roy, his brother, or anyone else that was not of the female gender for that matter.

"Noooothing..." An evil_ gonna-eat-a-baby-drink-virgin-blood _smile came across his lips. "Just going to a bit of...Cleaning up..." He started to evilly laugh a good manly laugh, so no one thinks he's a pansy anymore.

"You know those aren't those people's real names right? I mean does _DarkChibiAlchemist_ look like my real name?" Tia decided it would be a good time to crush the bishi's dreams.

"Yeah, but this is a fanfiction, so we can roll like that." Ed smiled, Tia hit him and told him to never say "Roll like that" ever again.

"And you plan on finding these people...how?" She looked down at him and he just smiled a _this-is-a-fanfiction-idiot _smile again.

"...Shut your face...Lets just get your killing rampage over with.." And with that, Edward and Tia left the house in search of the people on Ed's death list. OOooo I fell like I'm in Kill Bill! I love that movie! I mean..Killing rampage...

**(JUST SO EVERYONE KNOWS, I MADE UP THE FOLLOWING NAMES. IF IT JUST SO HAPPENS TO LOOK LIKE YOURS AT ALL SORRY...ITS NOT YOU) **

Ed and Tia stood outside of a house in a small urban neighborhood. Which also just so happen to be house of the first name on his list.

It was a warm sunny day, the birds were singing, the kids were playing, the druking husband was fighting with his soon to be divorced wife for starting a whore ring in the neighborhood and not telling him. Yes, it was a normal day in **Elricestlover336'**s town.

That is until Edward Elric himself came barging into her home, wielding a butcher knife and a 45. "Bitch..." He lovingly spat. "Time to die.." And as shrieks of horror and blood shed began, Tia helped herself to the beautiful chocolate cake that the bitch in question's mother had made.

"MMmmmm..This is good.." She said, while floor boards crashed around her and blood dripped into a crimson puddle on the chair next to her.

"Ok.."Ed walked down the stairs, looking a horrid mess. His hair was falling out of it's pony tail, blood was staining his pants and shirt, and there were shards of wood in his hair as well. "..It's done. OH IS THAT CAKE!" Hey, everyone needs a full belly when they go on a killing rampage.

After helping themselves to the food, video games and personal belongings of **Elricestlover336**, Edward and Tia made their way to the next house. And because this is fanfiction, we can't go to jail. Unless I want Ed to...Besides, the police would read the fanfiction posted by this dead girl and realized, the world was much better off without her.

"Where to next?" Tia said as she licked the last remaining chocolate from her fingers. Edward pulled his list out, crossed off **Elricestlover336** with blood from his butcher knife, and read the next name.

"**EdwardElric'sWife** my ass!" He yelled out as they hailed a taxi. "What did she do?" Tia lurked over the list to see if there was any indication on what each individual had done. "Killed off Winry because she said she's a hoe and some other horrid stuff then said I went to Roy in desperation..."

"Ahhh, a Winry basher. Just for the fun of it, you should kill this one with a wrench. Oh the irony!" Tia laughed, Edward smiled. He liked this idea.

Soon they stood outside of a condo with an ocean front view. It was spring, so the annoying rich child known as **EdwardElric'sWife** was out on a family outing to the beach.

A hobo skipped of into the sunset smiling. Not because he got money, oh no. Tia and Edward had given him some boose for his wrench wife, Molly. He said she talked too much anyway.

With his new wrench in hand, Ed made his way up to the door of the condo. While off near the shoreline, Tia sat waiting and making a sand castle.

Just when he was about to bust down the door, he saw something even better. There was the little Winry killing, making Ed love Roy hoe right now! Sitting at her laptop typing up another God awful story. And even better, she was sitting outside on the porch! This was turning out to be a good day.

"Hello..." Edward snuck up behind the girl and held the wrench high over his head. Just before she had time to let out a fangirl yell, Edward gave her a good, sharp blow to the noggin. Then, after bludgeoning her for a few good minutes, he tossed her body into the ocean.

"Ok Tia, lets get going." She gladly jumped up and followed after him. "So, how did it go?" She almost tripped in the sand while running over to him.

Ed smiled, then in a cheep and corny way answered. "Swimmingly! Well, on to our next victim.."

**Ed: WHOO! I KILLED SOME STUFF! **

**Tia: Yes, yes you did. **

**Roy: I wasn't in this one... **

**Tia: Don't be upset! Your in the next chapter with your own brand of love! And by love I mean killing! **

**Ed: Just like Chuck Norris knits sweaters? And by knits, I mean kicks. And by sweaters, I mean babies! **

**Tia: That's right Edward! Very good! Review kiddies! What should I offer this time...OH! You get Roy's gloves! He can't use them here anyway! Oh, and I'm planning on adding another FMA character to the story. But I want your input! So tell me who you want and whoever gets the most votes, is in!**


End file.
